A few years ago a friend approached me and started the conversation with "The story I am telling myself is...". I don't remember the details of the conversation. Only that it changed the way that interacted with people significantly.
If you ever find yourself being sensitive, offended or unforgiving, the power of the story may be helpful for you too. When I find myself feeling any of these feelings, I ask myself "What story are you believing?".
For example, just last week I had a grand story in my mind about how a couple of co-workers had it out for me. Every little thing that they did only added to the story that I was telling myself. It was really starting to affect me and I went to the Lord for help. I told him the story that I was telling myself and asked him if it was really true. He said that it was not. He reminded me that the enemy was working to distract me. I wasn't fully convinced of God's truth until yesterday when both of my stories came crumbling to the ground. God confirmed to me in a few different ways that the story I was telling myself was untrue.
The power of the story has greatly helped my friendships as well. If I am feeling tension with a friend I go to them and say "The story I am telling myself is.....is that true?" This is a great way to confront someone without it being a nasty confrontation because you are admitting upfront that your story may not be true and you give them a chance to respond. Eight times out of ten these conversations end in laughter because we both realize that we are telling ourselves false stories about one another and are amazed at how quickly the enemy can enter our thoughts.
What stories are you telling yourself about your friendships, relationships, family and life in general? Bring those stories to God and ask him to help you to see the truth.
If you spend any amount of time on instagram or facebook, you will start believing that everyone has the most amazing group of best friends.
In the same way that there are unrealistic expectations set for romantic relationships in the media, there are also unrealistic expectations for friendship.
I remember a moment this past year so vividly. I was with a girl who I assumed had the best group of friends based on her Instagram. There had been times when I would scroll through her feed and wonder why my group of friends didn't always look like we were having the time of our lives. In the midst of our gathering, she snapped a photo. It was weird because at that moment she wasn't connecting with anyone but the photo and her captions told another story.
I thought back to the times I have enjoyed with friends the most. Those moments are not captured on camera because I was in the moment enjoying the richness of friendship. I realized that I already had the life that this girl was promoting on social media. I was thankful.
In my 35 years of life, I have learned some lessons about friendship that I want to share with you. I hope these are lessons that you can take into 2019!!
1. Best friends are an illusion The idea that one person is better in every way from your other friends is unrealistic. It also sets a high expectation for the person that holds that title and they are sure to not live up to it at some point. Instead of trying to achieve the perfect picture of "best friends" seek to see the BEST in all of your friends.
2. Friends come in seasons and for different reasons. I used to cling tightly to the illusion of best friends and that made it difficult to let people go. I would feel personally wounded and rejected if I drifted apart from a particular friend. I learned the hard way that friends come in seasons and that is ok. We are constantly growing and changing and so are our friends. It's ok to make room for new friends instead of clinging tightly to those that are drifting away. Sometimes God brings someone into your life for a specific reason and once that purpose is fulfilled they move on. Any friend in any season is a blessing so just be grateful for the season of friendship that is shared.
3. Don't be so quick to cut people off. The Lord will call us to separate ourselves from certain people but just be certain it is the Lord leading you to end a friendship and not your hurt feelings or offended heart. My heart is sad for people who don't have a close network of friends because they chose to cut people off instead of working through problems. That is a lonely life. Friendship is worth fighting for.
4. Diversify your friends. My time in the Salvation Army helped me to nurture friendships with people of different ages, abilities and walks of life. If all of your friends go to the same coffee shop, watch the sames shows and have the same political views, your life is not as rich as it could be. Ask God to help you to see the value in people who are different from you so that you will actively seek those types of friendships.
5. Be a "best" friend. If you are ever feeling like you got the short end of the friendship stick, look for ways to be the kind of friend that you want. Take time to put your friend's birthdays in your calendar instead relying on facebook. Meet up for coffee even if it is inconvenient. Try calling instead of texting.
Be the friend that you want to have.
I hit snooze this morning. Not the ideal way to start the new year but I was determined to get a full 8 hours of sleep.
Of course with each new year we are inspired to do better and to be better. Unfortunately, many times our resolutions don't quite stick. I technically started my "new" year in August. I know that's weird, but I wanted to make some changes then and I didn't want to wait until January.
Today has been pretty typical so far. I have the day off so I am proudly walking around the house with my light up llama onesie that my little brother got me for Christmas. I experimented with pour over coffee at the suggestion of my friend Joanna. I am not a coffee person, but I do like trying new things and it wasn't too bad! After getting comfy in my chair, I spent some time reading the Bible and thanking God for the new day.
I started thinking about all of you and the goals that you have for this new year. It can honestly be hard to stick to those goals without accountability so I invite you all to join me for a free 90 Day challenge to kickoff the new year.
I like naming things so I'm going to call this the 90 Day Trinity Challenge. This challenge involves you intentionally improving your Body, Mind and Spirit for the next 90 days by working towards goals that are attainable, realistic and measurable.
Here is how it works:
1. Pick a body goal. For example, "Walk for 20 minutes a day" or "Get 8 hours of sleep" or "Drink 6 cups of water a day".
2. Pick a mind goal. For example, "Read a new book each month" or "Practice a new language 10 minutes a day" or "Go to a counselor once a month" Anything that improves your mind or mental state.
3. Pick a spirit goal. For example, "Try a new Bible plan" or "Incorporate a prayer time each morning" or "Limit complaining to once a day".
After you pick your goals, choose which goals you want to focus on first. For example, you may want to start with your mind goals for the first 30 days, then add on your spirit goal for the next 30 and end with your body goals for the last 30 days. If you are eager, like me, you can do all three goals for all 90 days.
Here are my goals:
Body-Limit fast food to $25 a month. This is going to be hard!! I am always on the go and fast food is generally convenient. I'm ready to challenge myself to plan my days better so that I don't resort to fast food. My waistline and wallet will be so happy :)
Mind-Read one book a month. I have been eyeing Michelle Obama's new book and I also want to re-read some of my graduate school books to keep my mind sharp with biblical/theological insights.
Spirit-Tear down toxic thoughts that are affecting my spiritual life. To do this I will be using Dr. Caroline Leaf's Brain Detox for the next 90 days. This is technically a mind challenge but since the mind and spirit are interconnected it works. The brain detox helps you to find truth in God's word to eliminate the toxic lies.
Comment below with your goals and throughout the days comment on each post with your progress!
